Choose Happy

I’m going to start with, “Sorry, Not Sorry.” My previous blog post was titled “Happy Dance” and man, oh, man was I so happy. Well, truth is that I may have celebrated a little prematurely. Last week my labs dipped down and I don’t know what changed. I was so frustrated. Not only that but the menopause crap was coming in HOT, (ha! get it, hot?) Seriously folks, menopause is not fun and I will have the luxury to go through it twice. Once now, with chemotherapy and then again when I become of age… anyone else jealous? If you were curious what other symptoms come with menopause here is the list that I’ve been experiencing. Trust me, it’s a great list:

  • Vaginal dryness.
  • Hot flashes.
  • Chills.
  • Night sweats.
  • Sleep problems.
  • Mood changes.
  • Weight gain and slowed metabolism.

Anyhow, like I said, last week my labs dropped and I was so disappointed, frustrated and just plain old annoyed. So what did I do? I had a mini pity party for myself. Sorry, Not Sorry! So dumb. I let Barb do most of the talking last week and it was awful. I didn’t work out, I didn’t drink near as much water, and I hardly slept. It’s ok to have bad days, so long as we use them to remind ourselves that the days that may not seem so good aren’t so bad, or makes the good days even better. What matters is how you go forward.

Thankfully I had the girl gang (aka the Wolf Pack) that got me out of the house and a trip to Duluth over the weekend to occupy my mind. I also made my children wear shirts that said, choose joy. I wanted the reminder that I am responsible for my happiness. I CHOOSE HAPPY!

Today, I went into my 11th round of Taxol with a better feeling. I was putting the right foot forward and reminding the universe that:

  • I am an overcomer
  • I am healthy and insanely fit
  • I am cancer free

Obviously, I’m not there yet, but I will be. Those are three of the ten dreams I write down everyday in my Start Today Journal. So with my intentions set, I will act the way I want to feel. I am manifesting wellness. I will get back on the horse and drink the stupid water, move my body for 30 days and take ALL of my supplements. Why? BECAUSE IT MAKES ME FEEL BETTER. So why did I not make it a daily priority or get lackadaisical? Well, because friends, I was bummed out! If you didn’t know this, I am not perfect. I too struggle with the roller coaster I am on- life. It happens, we have no control, we just have to remember that God has bigger plans for us. He wants us to learn from our experiences. God doesn’t give us what we can handle. He helps us handle what we have been given.

Besides being grateful for my Wolf Pack, I am also so thankful for my dear friend, Andrea. We are always touching base with each other to see how the other is doing. We have sooo much in common. Same type of cancer, same amount and gender of children, same marriage situation (married to farmers) and same craving for laughter and friendship. Much of our conversations are about the kids, our sanity during quarantine and our symptoms, but specifically our gas. (Hold tight, you are about to get a laugh of a lifetime, at least I did when I read her message she just sent me.)

Our flowers from B the Light

So, it’s like Andrea even knew that I am a lover of random, fun facts. Here we go. Get ready to laugh. Andrea and I have been sooooo gassy. Not only are we gassy, but our smell is something special. It’s the amazing Taxol Toots. Ok, so fun fact, like most mammals, blue whales fart. Unlike most mammals, their fart bubbles are so big that you could fit an entire horse in them. There, that’s a thing. Now you know. That’s what she sent me. If you were in our shoes and knew all the things we have shared about our bad gas you would be rolling on the floor laughing. No matter your age, you can always laugh about a fart, a toot or better yet, the trots. Oh Andrea, I am so grateful for you.

So with refocused mindset, here is to a new week, with new adventures and positive attitudes.

Shout out to my amazing support group! Ashlee Suker, Michaela Sheesley, Sarah Wenisch, my family, my friends… my Wolf Pack. You are so amazing and I am going to say it again, I am so grateful for you all every. single. day.

Tomorrow’s gratitude list:

  • Flowers from B the Light
  • New friends (We had two new people join us today. “Scared” and “Nervous” were their descriptions when I asked how they were doing. I may have found an area I want to play a bigger part of. When I am done with my cancer journey, how can I help others with theirs? God always has a plan. Let Go and Let God)
  • GIFYs
  • Mindset refocusing and Perspective changes
  • Quiet nights
  • 1 TREATMENT LEFT!!!!!!!

Love and Air Hugs!


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