This world is broken and broken things happen- yes. Even still, I can’t help but feel utterly shattered and disillusioned when heartbreak is part of my story. I don’t like this- I only like dust. But dust is one of Your favorite ingredients to use when making something new, and I believe You are working right now to do this very thing in my life. I know You will never forsake me, but that You will go to great lengths to remake me. Thank you.
In Jesus’ name, amen.
For those of you that know me, you know I want to climb Rainbow Mountain in Peru. Turns out God thought I should train on a different mountain before I make that kind of climb. Trust me, I’d take a 40 mile hike up a mountain before I’d go through this… without training… any day!
I’d be lying if I told you these first few days have been a cake walk. All the books we read, like Cancer Hates Kisses didn’t even prepare us for the heart wrenching that occurred when Rowyn cried and asked for mommy to pick her up. I couldn’t pick her up, I couldn’t give her a big hug and make it all better. However, Samuel has been so great and is showing understanding of mommy’s owies and that he needs to be gentle. He gives the best gentle hugs ever. I can’t believe how much love I have for those little humans and how hard it is to explain to them that mommy is in pain, mommy has owies, mommy has cancer. Que the water works.
On a happier note, Tyler has been phenomenal! Seriously, the best! Like I’ve said before ladies. Find yourself a man who can give you a sponge bath and make you laugh at the same time. While Tyler was cleaning my right armpit (the sore one) he was wiping and getting clumps of orange goop (deodorant mixed with Betadine), “pretty sure you have something growing in there!” You had to be there to see the facial expression, but we laughed and laughed.
OK, now to continue to fill you on where I am at on this climb of mine. Drum roll please…. I AM CANCER FREE!!! It is gone! Wahoo!
Surgery went well, took a little longer than expected due to the margins being so narrow. I am missing a small chunk of muscle and I had a small chunk of skin removed to ensure clean margins. I also had 2 lymph nodes removed as they showed signs of being “hot”. (Which also means I woke up with 3 drains) Since there were those additional variables during surgery I do have an expander in my right breast and an implant in my left. However, pathology reports revealed that there was no sign of cancer in the lymph nodes, praise Jesus… which means I shouldn’t need any radiation! So IF I don’t need Chemo, I will have another surgery in 4 months to remove the expander and place an implant. (Then I can really plan my Rainbow Mountain trip) The reason I say IF I don’t need Chemo is that the cancer will be oncotyped DX (genetic DNA testing on the tumor itself) to determine if chemo is required. The cancer is also Estrogen positive which means ovarian suppression, hormone therapy etc. is definitely in my future for at least 10 years. THAT’S SOME MOUNTAIN… don’t worry, I’m not going to break out into the Hannah Montana song, but it is all about the climb…. and I got this, I’m just currently under construction.
Another funny to share with you. Never buy things the night after surgery. You may not remember what you bought, until the UPS man makes his delivery: pillows, a crock-pot, a scarf…. SMH!
Alright, back to serious business. THANK YOU! All of your thoughts, prayers, well wishes, food, flowers, texts, phone calls, messages, good vibes have not gone unappreciated! I don’t even know how to say thank you enough, but that’s what I got, THANK YOU FOR EVERYTHING. EVERYTHING!
- December 26th: drain removal
- January 2nd: oncology-game plan, chemo or not?